She Walks Alone (But Not Anymore)
by Your-Average-Lunatic
Summary: They broke up and then she dropped out of school a few months before their high school graduation. No one knew why (except for Cat) until a certain someone comes back to her life. Now she has to deal with the messy aftermath of their breakup. "I'm sorry." "Sorry wasn't good enough six months ago. It sure as hell still isn't good enough now." JORI
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: This has illness in it. If this offends some of you, I apologize. Offending you is not my intention _at all_.**

****NOTE: _I ONLY HAVE LIMITED KNOWLEDGE ABOUT ILLNESSES, HOW THEY TREAT THEM, HOW HOSPITALS WORK, ET CETERRA. EVERYTHING IN THIS FIC HAS BEEN RESEARCHED, AND EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR SOME, IT IS THE BEST I COULD DO._****

**Please read note at the end.**

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><p><em>"You and me… it's just not working. I'm so sorry."<em>

She closes her eyes as she tries to sink in deeper down her lumpy pillows. She wants nothing more than the guilt to end, the guilt that is just eating her up. Unfortunately, her shame just keeps growing, manifesting within her that always leads to her chest feeling heavy and almost unbearable.

She knows she was harsh when she said those words. She could have supplied an explanation at the least, but she couldn't at the time. She wanted a clean break; an explanation would have doubled or even tripled the questions. But that wasn't it, was it? She was incapacitated by her own emotions. She couldn't even get out the apology well enough without biting back the cry or holding back the tears. She was being held by the throat as she choked on her own heart when watched those eyes go from concerned, to impassive, to anger, to detachment.

She doesn't even realize she is silently crying until she feels the hot tears slide down to the side of her face and into her ears. She shakes her head slightly as she swipes her unbandaged hand to her face, clearing it of tears. She makes a face when her hand accidentally moves the cannula that was in her nose that she had to adjust it again.

She doesn't want to think about it. She pushes the thought to the deepest recesses of her mind, hoping it would stay put until… until much, much later.

She doesn't want to deal with that for a while.

"I want frozen yogurt," she blurts out, suddenly craving for the cold treat.

The nurse, who is attending to her as she injected her vitamins into her IV, looks at her almost sympathetically, masked by a thin veil of indifference.

"Sorry, hun. You can't have it until tomorrow. At the most, I can give you some more ice chips, but only a spoonful."

She sighs. More ice chips. She misses the taste of actual food and regular bottled water, not the crap health food they want her to eat or the dang ice chips. She would kill for a cheeseburger and some fries right about now, but apparently, those aren't exactly healthy food. So she is stuck with the crap hospital-issued food and ice chips, and if she is really lucky, the occasional frozen yogurt, though the frozen yogurt they give her is nowhere near as delicious as the one she used to eat.

She nods slightly at the nurse's offer. Anything is better than nothing, after all. The nurse sends her a practiced yet gentle smile as she puts down the syringe she is finally done with. She picks up a cup filled with the ice, scoops out a spoonful (which really isn't much because it's only a small plastic spoon) and feeds her with it.

She gratefully takes it, letting the ice melt in her mouth before swallowing it.

"Thanks," she says, grimacing ever so slightly at the chill from the ice.

The nurse hums a "you're welcome" to her before wheeling out of the room, the door closing behind her.

It's already five in the afternoon. Visiting hours are ending by six thirty. Cat should have been here an hour ago.

You see, the perky redhead is the only one in their social group who knows why she left Hollywood Arts… or why she just dropped the surface off the earth completely (She halted all communication with her friends as soon as she was diagnosed, which was two months before graduation). Cat only found out because she found her having a seizure at a park. To say Cat was freaking out is an understatement, but since that day, she swore to not tell their other friends and that she would visit her every single day.

At the moment, she was bothered by it. She didn't want _any_ of her friends to know about it. That was why she deactivated her Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram and TheSlap accounts. But after a few weeks, she slowly warmed up to the ditzy girl, loving the girl more and more like a little sister by her puerile antiques and innocent little presents.

"I come bearing gifts!" She hears someone say, effectively bringing her out of her reverie.

"Hey, Cat," she greets the redhead, who doesn't hesitate to make her way to her bed. "You're late."

"Hey, Tor," she says back, ignoring that last bit, but the smile she has looks force, which is strange. Cat never forces a smile, even when she's acting on stage, the smile she puts on is always natural.

She slightly gasps. Is this is then? Has Cat finally broken the barrier between the I'm-just-visiting-for-fun to I'm-visiting-because-I-feel-sorry-for-you? She hopes to God not.

"Here," Cat says, offering a pink giraffe to her that resembled to a certain purple giraffe called Mr. Long Neck.

"Thanks, Cat," she says, taking the giraffe gratefully, wanting her hands to grasp at something other than the sterile sheets. "So, how were rehearsals?" She asks, making conversation.

You see, Cat has a heavy passion for acting and singing that the best way to showcase that passion is on stage. She was given that chance - a big chance! - to star in an all-original production on Broadway, no less!

But she turned it down. She turned them all down because of three reasons: one, because of her; two, because of Patty the squirrel from the park (don't ask); and three, because she loved L.A. too much that she would get so homesick (and helplessly and hopelessly lost) the minute she takes one step into New York.

She snaps herself out of her thoughts as she watches the redhead. Then the oddest thing happens. Cat frowns and shakes her head. Had something gone wrong at her first onstage rehearsal?

Before she has the chance to ask what seems to be bothering the redhead, Cat says, "I'm so sorry, Tori."

Her earlier suspicions have been confirmed. Cat only visited because _she felt sorry for her._

Through gritted teeth, she asks, "And what are you sorry for?"

Cat has her wide brown eyes even wider, tears oozing out of the corners. "I didn't mean to!" She says, shocking her. What didn't she mean to do? Feel sorry for her? Last time she checked, you can't be sorry for _feeling_ sorry.

Cat continues to whimper. "She was yelling and I didn't have a choice so I-I–"

"OUT OF MY WAY!" Someone yells from outside her room.

Her heart stutters.

The door opens.

"Tori…" the voice pierces the room with a sharpness that may as well have stabbed her right in her chest, straight into her heart.

She sighs. "Hello, Jade."

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><p><strong>How was it? Awful? Good? Decent? Well, whatever it is you're feeling you can tell me by dropping a review! Reviews do help me steer clear of mistakes or bad plot lines.<strong>

**THIS IS A JORI STORY OKAY? I just wanted to make that clear.**

**This isn't going to be a long one though. Maybe three chapter? At the most, it could be a five-chapter story. But for now, I'm leaving it as a one-shot because I haven't decided it's fate yet. Do YOU want me to continue this? Say so in the reviews.**

**Also, I recommend reading _Try Again Tomorrow _by _ElisaCollette_. It is the inspiration for this fic and also the first ever fanfic I have ever read (Yes, I just discovered fanfiction in 2012. No, please don't judge me). It's not a Jori romance story, it's a Jori _friendship_ fanfic, and it is just spectacular. Seriously guys. The author is lovely and talented. I don't even know how many times I have read the whole series. It's just... amazing and I'm rambling.**

**Sorry. I tend to do that.**

**Anyway...**

**On a side note:**

**Do you have an idea for a fic? Well, you're in luck because I do prompts! More info on my profile/bio.**

**Do _NOT_ send me a fic suggestion/prompt through reviews. All prompts in reviews will be ignored. Reviews are meant to comment about the author's work, so let us leave it at that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: This has illness in it. If this offends some of you, I apologize. Offending you is not my intention _at all_. Also, this particular chapter has slight OOC-ness. I tried my best to keep them in character, but it was a little challenging.**

****NOTE: _I ONLY HAVE LIMITED KNOWLEDGE ABOUT PLAYS, THEATER, HOW THEY PREPARE, ETC. EVERYTHING IN THIS FIC HAS BEEN RESEARCHED, AND EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR SOME, IT IS THE BEST I COULD DO._****

**Please read note at the end.**

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><p><em>"Since you've been gone,<em>  
><em>It's been so long,<em>  
><em>It seems like forever!<em>  
><em>Baby, come on, don't you know <em>  
><em>We were so good!"<em>

As she prolongs the last word with such power and control, her hands slowly reaches upwards, loving that she has the full attention of the cast and crew with just her voice. As it fades away still so beautifully, everyone jumps to their feet - director included - and gives her a mighty roar of applause. She squeals with so much delight that she jumps on her co-star and hugs him fiercely.

He guffaws as he returns the sweet and usual gesture.

"And again, you amaze us," he says breathily into her red hair as she slowly unhooks herself from him, still having that wide smile on her face.

Before she can respond, the director of the play is still clapping as he makes his way to her. "Caterina, Caterina! Astounding!" He looks back at the crew who are in the audience. "What did I tell all of you, eh? A star was just born into my stage!"

She cocks her head to an angle, looking confused. "I was born on February."

The director just ignores the comment. "There's still a lot of acts we need to work on so, in early okay Caterina?" She nods, bouncing on the spot as she claps excitedly. He sends back a quick grin to his young starlet before facing his other lead. "Ethan, you too. We don't want a repeat of today."

The brunet boy huffs. "I was just ten minutes late, Francis! I was stuck in traffic!"

The director shakes his head. "No, no. That won't do. We don't want this production to flop, now do we? See? Okay." He faces the crew again and hollers, "All right! That's a wrap for today!"

She bounds her way to the backstage, greeting everyone she passes so cheerfully that it's so infectious, they greet her back with almost the same level of enthusiasm. As she is about to grab her very pink and glittery and rainbow-y duffle bag, someone beats her to it.

"Hey! That's mine!" She says accusingly.

Ethan laughs. "I know. That's why I'm handing it to you."

She smiles again, and it's so wide and innocent. "Thank you so much, Ethan! Hey, Mr. Long Neck's sister!" She says as she pulls out a pink giraffe from her duffle. "I don't know your name yet. I'm sorry, but I'm sure Tori will come up with a super duper cool name!"

Ethan just beams. He really likes her. Not like-like, but just a normal friend kind of like. She is just too innocent that her childlike aura sends a pang to his chest because she always reminds him of his little sister, who passed on just a few months ago. Not that he will ever tell her that; he has a feeling death is something she can't handle all too well... or something she can't handle at all.

"So what are you up to this afternoon?" He asks casually as he directs her towards the exit.

"Oh, I'm gonna go and see Patty in the park! Have you met Patty? Ooohhh, I want you to meet her!" She says happily.

"Who's Patty?" He asks. He heard that name quite a few time from her before, but he doesn't ever remember who Patty is exactly.

"She's a squirrel!"

He shakes his head.

_Okay then,_ he thinks. _I guess I'm meeting Patty the squirrel_.

"Lead the way, Cat."

* * *

><p>His eyebrows are still furrowed since the whole ordeal.<p>

"That was the most tame squirrel I have ever seen," he says in amazement.

She giggles. "She likes you."

"And what would have happened if she didn't like me?"

She keeps on walking and hums to herself, and he has a feeling it wouldn't have been a good meeting had that squirrel not liked him.

They just keep on walking until she skids to a sudden stop. She gasps, her eyes are wider than usual.

"What's-"

"Oh my God, what time is it?!" She squeaks.

"Err..." he spares a glance at his watch. "Four thirty-eight. Cat, what-"

But she isn't listening. She sprints off, yelling, "I'm late!"

The brunet boy just stands there, looking confused as he scratches his head.

* * *

><p><em>Oh no, I'm late. I'm so very late. Tori is going to be mad at me! I don't want Tori to be mad at me! I don't want Tori mad at all! It makes the machines make bad sounds...<em>

She can't think straight. She just lets her legs run on autopilot. She isn't thinking and that's why she is left in a daze when she crashes on the ground.

"Watch where you're going!" Someone barks at her and it sounds so... familiar.

"Jade?" She asks, but she doesn't need a confirmation. She just carelessly throws her arms around the girl.

"The hell? Cat?" The girl says, confused.

"Oh my gosh, Jadey! I missed you sooooo much!"

"Don't call me that!" She snaps. "And we just had coffee this morning! Get off! People are staring."

She doesn't want to get off. But she doesn't want the goth to get angrier at her so she slowly withdraws her hands and got to her feet.

She is about to help Jade when the goth just waves a hand dismissively at her. As soon as Jade is standing, she sends a nasty glare to everyone who stopped to watch them.

Everyone immediately disperses and scurries off.

Jade makes a comment and a face before facing her.

"So, can I ask why you just send us both crashing on the concrete?" Jade asks her, her tone clearly implying that she is demanding an answer.

"Nothing!" she says defensively and she catches her mistake too late because Jade now looks at her with - besides the obvious irritation - curiosity.

"Cat, you know it's bad to lie," Jade says almost mockingly. "Come on, let's get you home and we can talk about it."

"No!" she says loudly. "I'm late!"

Jade crosses her arms over her chest. "Oh? And where are you headed? Didn't rehearsals end?"

"Y-Yeah."

She wants to make a run for it. But she knows she will easily be overpowered by Jade, who began taking martial arts since they graduated because of a role that was handed to her. She can't remember what it was, but she can recall something about _Vampire Diaries_...?

Jade doesn't back down. She still has that determined look in her green eyes.

"Where are you going, Cat? You know, now that I think about it; every day at four, you go running off somewhere. I couldn't ask you before 'cause you'll just run off. But now that you're right here where I want you, you have to tell me."

She can feel her tears pricking her eyes. She can't tell Jade. She promised Tori she would never tell anyone.

"I can't!"

"You better tell me or I'm coming with you!" Jade yells at her again that she jumps back in fright.

She can't take it. She breaks down. She cries openly because _oh gosh, Tori is going to hate me so much now and she will never want me to be her friend!_

But she can't forget that this is Jade, her other best friend. And she knows the girl like the back of her hand (or at least, that's what she likes to think) and she knows all too well that if Jade can't get her way, she's going to start using whatever pair of scissors she brought with her today.

She is caught between a rock and a sharp blade.

A few seconds later, she snivels and just stands up. She walks on towards the hospital, with the familiar pattern of thuds from black combat boots trailing behind her.

* * *

><p>"What- Why are we here?" Jade asks warily as they step inside the hospital.<p>

She doesn't answer. She just keeps walking.

"Hey, Cat!" The kind receptionist greets her, like she does everyday.

"Hey, Elaine."

"Running late are we?"

She giggles and waves at her goodbye.

"Ugh I'm gonna go and get some coffee," Jade says as she begins to head in the general direction of the cafeteria.

She nods subtlety at the goth. As Jade takes one more step towards away from her, she grabs Jade's upper arm and before she gives Jade a chance to complain, she whispers, "I'll be in the eighth floor, room sixteen."

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><p>She takes a deep breath and puts on one of her biggest smiles.<p>

She walks into the room she is so familiar with by now: the drawn white blinds, the extreme whiteness of the walls, the bright florescent light, the monitors, the beeping, the sterile smell, the railed bed... and the girl in the bed wrapped up in sheets and a hospital gown.

Normally, she would have skipped to Tori's side, sat on the side of her bed and tell her everything that has happened today as she let her feet swing in the air.

But it's different now because Tori has a vacant expression ghosting her face, and a small private smile hangs on her lips, as if she is remembering a funny memory.

"I come bearing gifts!" She announces as she marches into the room, breaking its tranquility.

Tori's sunken eyes snaps to hers and the astonished look is quickly replaced with a warm welcome. "Hey, Cat," she croaks. "You're late," she adds jokingly.

She smiles, trying to forget her sin as she nervously put down her duffle and fidget with the plushie she got her best friend two days ago.

She hears a small gasp from Tori. Is something wrong? Can't she breathe? No, she can. The doctors but that thing in her nose so she can... So why did she...

_Oh no! She probably knows what I did! Tori is going to hate me forever!_

"Here!" She all but thrusts Mr. Long Neck's sister to Tori, hoping she will like it... and name it.

"Thanks, Cat," Tori says as she takes the giraffe. "So how were rehearsals?"

She can't. She can't handle the guilt. She didn't tell Jade, but bringing her here is twice as bad! She promised Tori and she broke her promise and now Tori is going to hate her forever!

"I'm so sorry, Tori!" She blurts. How quick and sudden she said the words makes her wince and choke back a cry because Tori looks mad now.

"And what are you sorry for?" Tori asks in a low voice.

"I didn't mean to!" She cries, tear streaming down her face. She can't take it. Her vision starts to blur; she can't faint now! "She was yelling and I didn't have a choice so I-I–"

She is quickly cut off by a loud metal banging against a wall that startled her and an angry familiar voice saying, "OUT OF MY WAY!"

Her heart begins to beat faster. No! Not-

The door opens and Jade steps in with her styrofoam cup of coffee and the scowl on her face melts into shock.

"Tori..." Jade says in an almost strangled tone that she almost never hears.

"Hello, Jade," Tori says, and she sounds tired.

Jade stands there, gobsmacked, before her eyes settled on her, and Jade is seething.

She shrinks back in fear.

Now she has two things to worry about: Tori hating her and Jade hating her.

She can't stand both.

"You!" Jade points an unsteady finger at her that she squeaks in fright.

"I'm sorry!" She weeps. "I can't- I couldn't-"

"It's okay, Cat," Tori says immediately though her voice sounds tight. "Jade, calm down."

"Calm down?" Jade repeats, but in a slow and mocking manner that shakes her to her core. "Calm down?! This little brat knew where you had been for months! Do you know how hard we looked - how _I_ looked?"

She doesn't need reminders. She remembers all too well how hard Jade and the others scoured the city in an attempt to find Tori because Trina moved to New York (no one knew her number) and Tori's parents sold the house and moved to an unknown address.

The last weeks of school, the weeks before graduation... they were hard for the gang, most especially Jade. Jade hadn't moped or brooded, but she lashed out at everyone who so much as tried to talked to her. Only Beck and Cat and occasionally André could talk to her without receiving hundreds of death threats. On the rare moments that Jade was alone, she would catch the goth stare longingly at the then-dim locker that used to light up and say _Make It Shine._

"Don't blame, Cat," Tori says. "It's not her fault."

"It sure as hell isn't because it's yours!" Jade growls.

Tori adjusts her head to look at her and says, "Go."

She doesn't want to go. But she can't. Anymore of this fighting is going to make her pass out. So she grabs her duffle and runs out of the room and out of the hospital. She doesn't know where she's headed as she is blinded with tears.

She is left in a daze once again when she crashes on the ground, bumping someone.

"I'm sorry, mi- Cat?"

She looks up and she finds herself looking into familiar dark brown eyes.

"Cat, what's-"

Ethan stops talking when Cat wraps her arms around his shoulders, sobbing profusely. He returns the gesture as he soothingly rubs her back, trying to ignore the fact that there were being watching by more than twenty people.

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><p><strong>The song Cat sung in the beginning is the same one she sung for her audition in Tori Goes Platinum. Also, yes, Ethan is an original character. I'm not pairing them up, I just needed someone to be Cat's constant or rather, her rock. I wanted to use Robbie, but I knew I was going to mess it up with him in the picture so thus Ethan was born! To help you, my Ethan is basically Max Schneider. (Love that boy to death.)<strong>

**I apologize for any spelling/grammar/character mistakes made.**

**Oh my God! You guys are simply amazing! Over two nights, eight reviews, two people added this to their favorites and twenty (twenty!) followers? That's pretty amazing for someone who just started out! :) Thank you so much, everyone! Thanks to the much positive feedback, I am not leaving this as a one-shot (clearly) and I will continue it. However, keep in mind it won't end up in eighteen or sixty chapters. Maybe just five at the most. But seriously, my little darlings, thank you so much! (Can I say that? I mean, I ain't a thirty year old, typing in her basement okay? Ahahaha, I am one hundred percent still a normal sixteen year old _fangirl_.)**

**Anyway...**

**On a side note:**

**Do you have an idea for a fic? Well, you're in luck because I do prompts! More info about it on my profile/bio.**

**Do _NOT_ send me a fic suggestion/prompt through reviews. All prompts in reviews will be ignored. Reviews are meant to comment about the author's work, so let us leave it at that.**


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